Clearing the air

I'm writing this to make sure that everyone is aware...

I DO NOT CONDONE THE ACTIONS OF ISSY'S MOTHER!!

What I am saying is that I can understand how sometimes things can get so hard that we cannot see a way out. 

I am once again going to be clear and transparent with all of you. 

I have been the selfish one before. 

I have tried the coward's way out a long time ago before I ever became a mother. 

Never with my children. 

I was unsuccessful and so eternally grateful for that now. I'm here to tell you that it is not as black and white as people make it out to be. 

When depression grabs hold of your mind and heart, when it consumes you, your world just disappears from around you and you are lost. 

We do not know all of the circumstances that surrounded the tragedy with Issy. What her mother shared with the world may not have been everything. We do not know everything. We only saw what she let us see. 

My point in all this, if there is one, is that support systems need to be in place and the needs of the entire family have to be considered, as a whole. 

We cannot attack each other for where we stand because this is not one of those situations where things are black or white. They are not. 

Yes, I judged Alex's mom because I didn't condone her actions. But yet here I stand with no judgement on Issy's mom while I still do not condone her actions. Hypocritical right?

Yes. 

But the thing is that I have taken the time to step back and look at what my judgements got me. 

It got me anger, depression, fear, sadness, and anxiety. 

I'm done. 

I have been to the darkest parts of myself and know how hard it is to come out of it.

I repeat - I DON'T CONDONE THE ACT OF ATTEMPTING TO TAKE OR TAKING THE LIFE OF A CHILD - that is never nor should ever be the answer. 

But I am done judging. 

I just want our autism community to return to what it has always been - a support network of parents fighting a battle together. 

If anyone ever needs support or someone to talk to you can email me at lifewheresthehandbook@gmail.com or lowerkeysautism@gmail.com. 

I will even share my phone number with you....but please find help, please reach out, you are not alone. I had someone pull me out of the dark, let someone be there for you. 

Let us stop going against each other and band together in love and support for Issy and for one another. 

Much love.