Okay, I have to clear the air on this because I am tired of assumptions and accusations and just straight shit talking by some people out there that do not understand and are judging me.
When it comes to my children and why they don't live with me, here is the truth....
At the time of our separation, my ex and I agreed that it was in the best interest of the children to stay in their home with their father because of the stability that he was able to offer them.
Moving out with me would have required a change in their schools, therapy schedules, routines, living arrangements, etc. All things associated with a move would have made an impact. Add on to that the divorce alone - the chances of disrupting their progress was a HUGE one. Children with autism like mine thrive on structure and routine.
The lesser of two evils was them staying with their dad because the home we shared did not have my name on it. It was his mothers and I had no claim on it to stay there with the children.
I DID NOT abandon my children. If I could have it my way, my children would live with me. There is nothing more that I want in this world than to be able to tuck my children in bed at night. The sleepless nights and the mess in the house that most parents complain about - I want that - I crave that.
People may judge and criticize me for the choice that I made and they do so without the full details and information. They judge based on what is told to them by others and make their own assumptions.
I am painted as the mother who gave up and walked away from her children.
I did no such thing. I did what was best for them at the time and it kills me every day and tears my heart apart to hear that I am being thought of as the mother who just did not want anything to do with her children.
Do I regret that decision? EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE since then because no mother should be without her children.
There is so much more to what has happened during the past 3 years and I could go on and on and on but I just want to be clear about it....
I DID NOT ABANDON MY CHILDREN. MY CHILDREN ARE MY WORLD. IF I HAD THE MEANS TO HAVE THEM LIVING WITH ME RIGHT NOW, I WOULD DO EVERYTHING TO MAKE IT HAPPEN.
If you want to judge me - then judge me based on conversations with me. Ask me all the questions you want. I have nothing to hide. But please, don't go around thinking something until you have the full story.
Words of a woman...navigating parenthood, autism, love, and the world in general
People will talk. People will be negative. People will not understand. If you are right with things and if your kids are in a good place, then they are right. Forget about what anyone else says. Live your truth and be well.
ReplyDeleteUgh. People. When will everyone learn to mind their own business? Nobody on this Earth knows the whole side of every story, and yet they feel so entitled to judge. It disgusts me. You ARE a good mom. Don't ever let anyone make you think otherwise.
ReplyDeleteThat's people for you. You can't do a thing right with the commentary. Just keep on being YOU. I never thought anything at all. I just thought you missed and loved them an awful lot.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I hate that you even have to put this out there. "Don't judge a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes." Apparently not everyone understands that.
ReplyDeleteSecond, you did what was right in your heart, and right for your kids, even if it means you're the one to suffer. . That's pretty damn awesome parenting,
Third, I think you're an amazing mom.
Fourth, HUGS!!!
Sounds like you did the best thing you could for your kids, considering the situation. Hopefully in the future you will find a way to have them in your home again. But in the meantime, how wonderful it is that they are blessed with two parents willing to keep them, raise them, and love them. So many kids are denied that, and so many divorces do end up with only one parent willing to take the children.
ReplyDeleteSounds like they are very blessed indeed. And I imagine you and their dad feel the same way about them :)
{{ stopping by from SITS }}
I'm sorry you had to make this choice, but I applaud you for putting your children above yourself. Saying hi from SITS
ReplyDeleteWow, well said. Nobody has the right to tell you how to live your life. Stopping over for the SITS.
ReplyDeleteI am amazed that you had the strength to make such an incredibly selfless choice for them. It shows just how seriously you take this parenting thing. Your sacrifice makes complete sense to me, but I'm sure it has been heartbreaking as well. I'm sorry stupid people have been mean to you and judged.
ReplyDelete