My mind is on vacation and left me behind

Have you ever had those feelings where you have no idea where you are, what you are doing, how you got there, or what the hell is going on? Yeah, these are the moments when your mind goes on vacation and says "screw you, you're staying put!"

Yeah, I'm in that zone right now...

I can only imagine where my mind has run off to.

Maybe some paradise beach in Bali drinking a concoction of spirits and fruits while buff men in tiny shorts fan her until she falls asleep.

Or, maybe she is whale watching off the coast of Maine snuggled up in a nice warm puffy jacket waiting till she gets back to the dock to have some hot chocolate.

No, she must be in New York, walking the streets and admiring the fashion and courage people have to wear what they do as she prepares to decide what Broadway show she is going to watch next.

Wherever my mind is, I really need her back because this aimless wandering trying to figure things out without her cannot be good.

Personally, I would prefer New York.... I'm in a Carrie Bradshaw kinda mood lately

So dear friends and random readers, if you see her anywhere, let her know I'm about to start posting MISSING posters around town if she doesn't get back soon.

Thanks!

Putting things in perspective

This song just reminded me to put things in perspective when it comes to the most important people in my life..(the video is one way of looking at it - but the lyrics an be applied in a number of ways)

Get More: Nickelback, Rock N Jock, Full Episodes

"Never Gonna Be Alone"
by Nickelback

[Verse 1]
Time, is going by, so much faster than I,
And I'm starting to regret not spending all of it with you.
Now I'm, wondering why, I've kept this bottled inside,
So I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

[Chorus]
You're never gonna be alone
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall...
You're never gonna be alone
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

[Verse 2]
And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands,
'Cause forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you,
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

[Chorus]
You're never gonna be alone
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall.
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.
We're gonna see the world out,
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

[Verse 3]
Oh!
You've gotta live every single day,
Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Don't let it slip away,
Could be our only one, you know it's only just begun.
Every single day,
Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Tomorrow never comes...

[Verse 4]
Time, is going by, so much faster than I,
And I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.

[Chorus]
You're never gonna be alone
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall.
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.
We're gonna see the world out,
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

I'm gonna be there always,
I won't be missing one more day,
I'm gonna be there always,
I won't be missing one more day.

There really is no handbook

I just want to scream and punch a wall.

Yeah, I'm violent today.

I want to send everyone and their mother to hell today because someone has made my good mood go sour.

Have you had one of those days?

I had a conversation this morning that I did not want to have because it is a duplicate of one that I am constantly having where I am having to defend myself for what I can and cannot do while being told that I am not putting the right people first, that I am putting myself first instead and not taking into consideration the feelings of others.

That is so not the case and not who I am. If anything I always think of everyone else before I think of myself. How is it possible to love and care for people so much but then be told that the way that you do it is wrong? That you do too much or too little? Is there a balance? Is there a right way? Is there a wrong way? Do we really ever know?

Some have even said that it is instinctual for me to act this way because I'm a mom and I just want to take care of others and make sure they are good before I even consider myself. This is the true representation of who I am, even when my children are not around. I can't change it - trust me, I've tried.

My godparents taught me one thing...that no matter what happens in life, as long as you did your best then you made it through whatever it is that you are struggling with. I miss them so much.

I am doing my best, the best with what I have and with who I am. I can't change the expectations of others or how they perceive me to be. I can only be the best me that I can be for my children, for those that I love and hold dear to me, and if it might sound selfish this time - the best me for me.

Thanks for listening. I feel better now.