My emotions are a bitch, not me. I promise!!

There are so many glorious things about being a woman...we get to carry our children in our wombs and give them life. We are able to nurture them with our own milk. We smell sweet and look beautiful to the men that love us.

But we are also emotional roller coasters of estrogen that can snap at any moment without announcement or notice.

Okay, that's just a generalization. Not all women smell sweet - trust me, I've been to a few gyms in my time and can tell you that for some, no amount of baths or deodorant could help them out. Just sayin'.

The truth is I'm an emotional basket case...and that is why I may come off as bitchy at times.

I'm not a bitch, I promise! My emotions are and dealing with them is even harder.

This is true of any woman who has had to go through learning that her children have autism, learning that the dreams she had for her future were drastically going to change, knowing that her marriage had failed and knowing that her children are so far away from her that pieces of her heart were missing.

My emotions fluctuate like the waves out on the ocean. There are good days, there are bad days, and there are great days that turn into black holes.

So sometimes my emotions take hold of the puppet strings of my attitude and turn me from Glenda the Good Witch to the Evil Green Hag with the Flying Monkeys.

Yesterday was one of those days.

I was in such a great mood because I was able to talk to my babies and I was going to be able to do something I wanted to do since I moved to paradise.

I was so in the mood to go to the beach after work. Mr. Big agreed to take me since he had the day off.

I was excited - I got ready at work and called him to confirm where I was to meet him.

Suddenly, the plans changed. Instead of going to the beach I wanted to go to, we were going to another one. So, I griped a bit but then remembered that Mr. Big showed me aerial pics of this new beach and it seemed pretty cool so I said okay and waited for him to meet me at home.

When we got to the new beach my mood had improved and I gathered the towel, the beach chair and was amped up once again.

Downer. It wasn't what I had imagined. While it was beautiful, it was not a sandy beach where I could have lied on the sand and caught some sun or played in the shallow areas of the water with Mr. Big. No. It was a rock beach. And on the bay/lagoon part of the "beach" it was also rocks. And only about two feet of shallow water and then a ginormous drop into blue black water. I was not happy. I plopped my chair down and just sat there and sulked. Mr. Big on the other hand, walked around, enjoyed the views of the water and then waited till the steam dissipated from around my head and approached me.

He asked if I was going to go in the water. **Return of the steam** I not so gently told him my reasons for not going into the water (see aforementioned rocks and ginormous drop). And he chuckled, stood up, walked away, then returned for his fishing pole and went at it (I told you, this man LOVES to fish).

After a while of stewing in my own self-pity that my day had been ruined. I got up, wrapped the towel around me (it was very windy!) and walked over to where he was. He was fishing. He was smiling. Then I started smiling too. We walked, he fished, I talked, a few barracudas went after his lure but no real catch. I began to enjoy myself.

After a while we decided to leave the "beach" and head out...I mentioned that we could go over to Bahia Honda which was just on the other side of the bridge from where we were. I was plotting my beach outing in my head. He agreed (to go, not to my plot because duh! it was going on in my head).

I was all like....real beach here I come!!....nope.

Once again my mood went from happy rainbows and blue birds to Dante's inferno.

We drove around...well, he drove around Bahia Honda and we looked at the different camp sites and waterways. We even drove by a beach and saw a couple going at it in the water a distance away....brave couple!! (Well, they were the only ones out there except for us peeping toms in our truck).

My mood began to uplift itself once again.

Then we left the park and came to another bridge. He parked. Got out. Got his fishing pole.

Cue Steam

I was hungry and needed to pee. The last place I wanted to be was on a bridge fishing. So once again I sulked. I grabbed my towel and just walked along the bridge behind him. Staying just enough distance so he could not see how upset I was. I even started crying. Yeah, who knew?!

When he was finally done and we headed back to the truck he asked me what were we going to eat...my reply..."Food"...in total bitch. Yeap, the bitch came out.

I didn't mean to! I swear! I wanted to take it back the moment it came out.

We headed towards one of our favorite places, the No Name Pub. I highly recommend it if you can find it. I walked straight to the bathroom and when I returned, still with bitch mode in full effect, I picked up my phone because I just wanted to shut everything out.

Then, I came across this picture that I took while on my solemn walk on the bridge

Yes, I have a thing for sunsets...get off me!

And my heart just softened once again. I looked over at Mr. Big, he looked at me and smiled. Then I smiled.  I was out with the man that I love. The man that has just sat there and tolerated me waiting to calm down. Being patient with my ever changing moods.

He just smiled at me again, and blew me a kiss. I was all good again.

I'm lucky. What else can I say?