Wow!

I'm shocked my little blog has not shut down yet from the amount of activity that it received this week from being my SITS day on Monday.

I wanted to start off by saying thank you to everyone that stopped by.

I'm trying to get to everyone's comments and blogs to show some love as I do sincerely appreciate it all!!

It was amazing to see such great comments and thoughtful responses to the posts that I chose as my top 3 favorite posts.

I felt that those best described me, who I am, and what my life is about.

I try to be as open and candid as I possibly can because I spent so much time of my life holding it all in that it made me a not so nice person...letting it out and just being me is giving me the outlet to get through the good, the bad, the hard, and the silly.

I have made great friends through blogging - some that still blog, some that don't, and some new ones that have made it all interesting.

So again, thank you to everyone that has stopped by, is still stopping by and to my friends who I love for just being there even when I'm not around!!

I will be by to visit you all soon!!

((HUGS)) and have a great day!!

Where did it go?!

Do you know how quickly time flies?

Very!

If you're a parent you know this all too well. 

On Saturday it was Baby Girl's birthday. She turned 5. Yeah, 5!!

That's my last baby. 

As we were spending time at the beach I watched her and her siblings playing and I noticed one thing - time has passed so quickly and I was wondering where it went. 

My kids are no longer tiny little creatures with indecipherable language (well they are to those who don't know them but I understand them) - they are individuals with thriving personalities all their own. 

From the quiet child who likes to listen to the wind blow, to the child who can discuss the origins of the dinosaurs and their corresponding historical periods. 

They are all so different and grown that I wonder how I have missed it. They are in front of me but yet it happened as if it were a flash of light. 

And before I know it they will be older, taller (even though 3 of them are getting awfully close to my own height), smarter, funnier, and just plain awesome. 

I can't wait! But then again, I can. 

I think there is a country song that says "Let them be little" Yeah, I agree with that!

Oh and if I read my email right, tomorrow the 28th is my SITS day!! To my new and not so new readers...welcome!! I'm glad you stopped by. Here, have a cookie! 

Saying it again...

Okay, I have to clear the air on this because I am tired of assumptions and accusations and just straight shit talking by some people out there that do not understand and are judging me.

When it comes to my children and why they don't live with me, here is the truth....

At the time of our separation, my ex and I agreed that it was in the best interest of the children to stay in their home with their father because of the stability that he was able to offer them.

Moving out with me would have required a change in their schools, therapy schedules, routines, living arrangements, etc. All things associated with a move would have made an impact. Add on to that the divorce alone - the chances of disrupting their progress was a HUGE one. Children with autism like mine thrive on structure and routine.

The lesser of two evils was them staying with their dad because the home we shared did not have my name on it. It was his mothers and I had no claim on it to stay there with the children.

I DID NOT abandon my children. If I could have it my way, my children would live with me. There is nothing more that I want in this world than to be able to tuck my children in bed at night. The sleepless nights and the mess in the house that most parents complain about - I want that - I crave that.

People may judge and criticize me for the choice that I made and they do so without the full details and information. They judge based on what is told to them by others and make their own assumptions.

I am painted as the mother who gave up and walked away from her children.

I did no such thing. I did what was best for them at the time and it kills me every day and tears my heart apart to hear that I am being thought of as the mother who just did not want anything to do with her children.

Do I regret that decision? EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE since then because no mother should be without her children.

There is so much more to what has happened during the past 3 years and I could go on and on and on but I just want to be clear about it....

I DID NOT ABANDON MY CHILDREN. MY CHILDREN ARE MY WORLD. IF I HAD THE MEANS TO HAVE THEM LIVING WITH ME RIGHT NOW, I WOULD DO EVERYTHING TO MAKE IT HAPPEN.

If you want to judge me - then judge me based on conversations with me. Ask me all the questions you want. I have nothing to hide. But please, don't go around thinking something until you have the full story.