Wednesday, June 12, 2013

There is always help

I'm going to write this once and once only - if you agree with me fine, if you don't that is fine too.
(I know I already wrote once today but I have to write this down now. I know I can schedule it for tomorrow but tomorrow will be too late because my fire would have died out and I wouldn't have the passion for this post as I do now)

When I first heard about Alex Spourdalakis and his tragic death, I did not want to rush to conclusions until I heard all the facts and took some time to think.

I always say that we are nobody to judge the choices a parent makes for the well being of their child. I don't follow the biomed/altmed way of treatment because I don't feel it is right for my child but I won't stop others from doing what they feel benefits their child - as long as there is progress and appropriate medical care - I don't care. But we cannot ignore the tragedy that has occurred with the life of this innocent 14 year old boy with autism.

A mother brought herself to the point of taking the life of her own child. I cannot imagine what went through her mind or what was going on but in all honesty, I cannot feel pity for her.

I cannot feel pity because no matter how hard it is with my children, I cannot take their lives. And please, do not posit the question of "What if you were at your wits end?  And there was nothing else that you could do?" There is no such thing as nothing else that you can do. There is always something that you can do.

There are resources in place to help. If you do not like what is going on, make a change, make a difference, make a move. Some might argue that moving wasn't an option - why? Its hard to move, yes, but for your child wouldn't you move mountain and moon? Isn't that why you are here in the place of a parent?

The child had a father - if she could no longer handle being a single mother then why not ask the father to intervene? Why was that not a choice?

There are ways out. Taking the life of an innocent child is simply NOT the answer.

Above I stated that the mother brought herself to the point of taking her son's life. You might not agree with that statement but its true. DCFS was called in and offered her help when a case was presented them for investigation. Apparently DCFS thought she was doing a good job as a parent and closed the investigation because it was unfounded. Yet they offered her help because they could see that she would benefit from it.

I know there are some of you out there who have had negative interactions with DCFS as well as positive ones. I too have had to deal with DCFS and they noticed the claims were unfounded but always offered help and resources because of the unique situation our kids are in.

Why not accept the help?

I just cannot fathom this situation and a parent being at such a point that they think the best way out is to take the life of their child! And worse to have some other person help them with it!

Like I said earlier, nobody is anybody to judge but right now, my common sense may have gone out with the bathwater because I'm judging. I'm being a judgmental bitch because it hurts to hear this story.

Taking a life is never an answer. There is always a way out. There is always an alternative.

This child did not have to die. This child did not have to die like this. This child did not have to die in pain. The last images he saw were of the two people who were supposed to care for him and value his life above all else stabbing him in the chest. How tragic is that?

I don't have my children every day. I have them for a limited time. I cannot breathe without them. There are days I am asking their step-mom for pictures because I need my "Monkey Fix" as I call it. I could not imagine not being able to see their faces ever again, and worse, at the cost of taking their lives with my own hands. I would die for my children, but I would never ask that they die for me because I just can't take it any more. They did not ask to be born, they are here now because I chose to have them. It is my responsibility to make sure that the life they have is as good as I can make it and as long as possible.

So, please, if things are too hard, reach out for help. We are a community that is willing to help their own. We have all had hard times and trying times. But you are not alone. Seek help and take it if it is offered. Do not be modest and say you don't need it because we know you do. We all do!!

Rest in peace sweet Alex, I'm so sorry that you were taken from this world in such a horrible manner. May your soul be at rest. You did not deserve this. You deserved more. 


  1. This is so sad. :( There is no excuse, you are right.

  2. I hadn't heard Alex's story until now, but it the tears are streaming now.
    Let's all hold our kids a little closer when have the opportunity to do so.

  3. I had to skim this only because topics like this spark paranoia like really bad.
    My child, thank god a million times over, is healthy. There isn't a day that goes by that I am not aware of this. Perhaps it's because my nephew and my bff's foster family only takes in children with special needs...and I worked with children. It makes you appreciate their life so much more.
    I don't know what it is like to walk in her shoes or any other parent with a child of special needs. I don't know how frustrating it is.
    What she did was wrong.
    Very wrong.
    How do you do that to your own flesh and blood. The piece of your heart and soul? Fuck. Disgusting. I find that incredibly selfish.


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