Wednesday, July 10, 2013

But I don't have autism

Again with the autism - I know! Gees!!

But bear with me please.

This Saturday I had the littles with me and it was a great day!

Aside from the fact that traffic sucked, the beach that I wanted to take them to was closed because it was full, the drive to the new beach was longer, and there was rain on the way to said new beach and Buddy was freaking out saying "make the rain stop!" it was a great day!

I am loving that my children are finally opening up to me again and finding their rhythm with me after so many times of ups and downs in the past few months.

I am able to breathe and just spend time with them and have fun.

But then there are moments like this that made me pause...

As I was playing with the kids at the beach, you know, the whole grab your slippery little sucker by the hands and drag them through the water on their back kinda body surfing thing (Silly LOVED this - he was all laughter and giggles!) I mentioned to Princess that I think Silly would love to go surfing - that actually all her siblings might enjoy it.

She gave me this weird look seeing as the beach we were at the highest the water went was to my mid-thigh (at my 5' enormity that is not that high) and the waves were well, non-existant.

I proceeded to tell her that there is a group called Surfers for Autism that has kids like her brothers surfing and that they come to Key West but do more of a paddle board event. She said "Yeah, that sounds cool. They'd like that"

I was all happy that she agreed - this NEVER happens. She's 11 people, you know I'm right!

So I was even thinking to myself that she is old enough to volunteer now and I told her "Hey, you can even participate if you want."

Her response "But I don't have autism."

She's right - she doesn't. But she does have PDD-NOS (click here and I don't give a shit about what the DSM-V says, she was diagnosed prior to it being published so she's "grandfathered" in).

The thing is - I don't think she knows it.

I know we have told her when she was younger but I don't think she has grasped it or refuses to; its hard to tell.

She has overcome so much in her life that I don't really know what to say to her in response to this.

I'm not going to deny it - she has gotten so much better that you can barely tell she has PDD-NOS is there but when placed into new situations, you can see it. Its part of who she is and I don't know what the future holds for her.

She might be learning more and more techniques to cope with social issues through her social groups/counseling at school (soooo thankful for those!!) and her growing up might be a factor too - I just don't know.

So what do I do? Do I tell her? Do I just let her grow up and thrive as she has been doing? Do I risk a set back? Do I risk her being angry or upset with me?

I don't know what her father has told her on this since we initially told her a few years ago - does he think the same way that I do? I don't even know how to approach the subject with him!

Or am I overreacting and should just sit and be happy that my child is starting to be more of a child as she deserves to be and I shouldn't put a diagnosis in her head to limit her?

When does parenting get easy?

This post in in connection with Shell's Pour Your Heart Out Series at Things I Can't Say. It's about what you want to write - it's personal. It's time to just let out what is bothering you, creeping in the back of your mind - it's time to Pour Your Heart Out! Check out today's links here.


  1. Score for Mom on getting an 11-year old to agree. That's a monumental feat all on it's own!
    I hope you find some answers on the subject with Princess! Whatever your decision I know it will be the right one.

  2. What a difficult decision to make...go with your momma gut.

  3. I was hoping someone had an answer for you in the comments! My middle son has PDD-NOS and I haven't even talked to him about it. At 7, he doesn't get it anyway. I don't know what I'll do later.

  4. I wish I had an answer for you Krystal. It's an interesting dilemma to have. My reaction is the same as Robbie K - go with your gut. You know her the best of anyone and how she would handle it if/when you discuss it with her. I often feel like these sort of answers end up presenting themselves somehow if you are patient. Good luck!

  5. This is one of those tough mama decisions that I wish you the best with. I have faith that your mama heart-gut will know what to do.

  6. Oy what a toughie! I don't know what I'd say... maybe other than you know she's got some challenges and perhaps she'd like to be around people who "get" her because they experience the same things?


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