We would love to slow down the growing up of our children and enjoy them for a little bit longer. Just one more day, one more hour, just a little bit more.
Yesterday I was talking with Princess and I said to her "You're such a good little girl!" Her reply was "I'm not a little girl any more." She's right. She's 11.
I was amazed at how I still call her a little girl. To me she is my little girl. She's my first baby.
She was the miracle that almost never came to be.
You see, my pregnancy with her was a very difficult one.
Around 16 weeks into my pregnancy I was not feeling well. I was feeling a lot of pressure and it just didn't seem right.
I went to the doctor and she told me that I needed to go in for surgery first thing the next morning. She determined that I have an incompetent cervix and I needed a cervical cerclage or else I would lose my little girl.
I had already had a miscarriage before, I did not want to go through that again.
After the cerclage it was much cramping and uncomfortable pain. I had heart burn and felt sick a lot. Then came the contractions landing me in the hospital many times. This little girl was not enjoying the comfy warm quarters she had in my uterus it seemed. She just wanted out!
She was born on the exact day that I hit 36 weeks and 6 days. She couldn't wait to hit the 37 week mark.
She was 5lbs 7oz and 19 inches of tiny little girl.
Two weeks after her birth there as something wrong. My mommy alerts were ringing non-stop. She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. We rushed to her pediatricia and after her exam he made the following comment:
"Princess's heart beat is going so fast I can't count it. I'm admitting her to the hospital. I'm calling ahead you need to go now. If we wait longer, she can go into heart failure."
I'm a new mom. An 18 year old mom. This is not what I want to hear.
I still remember her dad rushing us through the door as I carry my little girl in my arms crying, the both of us. He was being strong. I was a basket case. I couldn't even bare putting her in her car seat. I didn't want to let her go.
She was diagnosed with A-V Nodal Reentry Supra-Ventricular Tachycardia.
She spent 2 days in the PICU. I was able to bring her home on Thanksgiving Day.
She was on a strict regimen of medication to make sure her heart rhythm was regulated.
Like many babies, she developed reflux.
We didn't know what was happening at the time. Her body was stiff, she was crying non-stop.
I rushed home from work and her father was beside himself. I did the usual mommy thing. I knew baths relaxed her. I ran the water and did not hesitate, I got in the tub with her. Scrubs and all. It wasn't working. Dad was on the phone with the doctor who said get her to the hospital now.
We had to take her to her hospital with her cardiologist.
It was 45 minutes away.
An ambulance wouldn't take us.
We had to get on the highway.
It was raining.
Her body would not soften enough to get her in the car seat.
We called 911 from the highway. We were close enough to the hospital that we knew the ambulance would take us there.
The Road Ranger behind us saw us with the hazards on and cleared the lane so the ambulance would have space to come.
The rig arrived.
They started an IV on her as we raced to the hospital.
We went in and as they were transferring her to the bed to work on her, she had a seizure.
I was crushed. Her dad was crushed.
He was outside calling his mom.
The paramedic saw me as I almost collapsed.
My baby was in pain.
At almost 4 months of age, she had a dystonic reaction to the medication. (Yes, most dystonic reactions are the cause of antipsychotics but other medications can cause it as well in this case it was Reglan - she's the one in a million).
The treatment was high doses of Benadryl. She was asleep in my arms. For hours. We had to make sure she was breathing.
I was terrified. Her dad was in a panic. I had never seen him cry before like that. He was stoic with her heart condition. This was more than he could handle. More than I could handle.
We could have lost her. Again.
She is a strong and healthy little girl now. She is no longer on any heart medication.
You would never have known this was her life in her earliest days.
But she will always be my little girl. My baby. My miracle.
Thanks to Miami Children's Hospital for being the saving grace both times my daughter needed you. I cannot express in words how grateful I am for doing everything to keep my little girl in my life. I am eternally in your debt.