Whoa! Where did that truck come from?

So I'm going to get serious on this post right now so I apologize for it ahead of time.

Why you may ask? Because - I was just hit by a truck unexpectedly....not a literal truck, but a figurative one and this one was covered in billboard sized photos of babies....yeah, babies...

You see, today my dearest friends, Cherie and Tony, they are my family regardless of blood connections, had their first child - Baby boy Angelo was born today, 7lbs, 11oz... HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGELO!!!

But that is not the reason why I am being serious...who could be when it is the birth of a new life and a new beginning for a family? I am excited for them because they are going to be great parents!!

The seriousness is because the truck hit me when I realized that I will no longer be able to have children. I know most of you are asking why I would want more because I already have six and yes, I know I already have six gorgeous, wonderful, loving, and amazing children - I could not ask for anything greater than them.

But it is not so much the wanting more children, it is the fact of knowing that I can't anymore that just hit me. I know that I am blessed beyond my means and I am grateful for every gift and joy that my children give me every time I see them but it's just that loss of ability to have them that is hitting me now. I know there are women out there who have not been able to feel the joy that I have or have had one child and want more but for some unknown reason cannot. It's just that strong feeling that well....

It's the fact that knowing I will not feel hiccups in my belly or see little elbows and feet stretching inside of me...I will not have that fresh baby smell to breathe in so deeply and fall asleep to the breathing and heartbeat of a newborn child....or have a tiny hand hold on tightly to my finger as instinctual it is for them to do.

I do regret the choice I made, I can honestly say that now. I feel like a part of me is lost and it is that part that identifies me as more than just a woman.

I know that there will be people that will say that I am a woman regardless, I am a mom regardless but then I beg the question - if it were so easy to take such a step and not identify oneself with the change then why is it that men will not get vasectomies because they feel their manhood would be taken away? It's the same thing....

I don't know - I know there are options available if I really did want to have another child and that there really is no forever in anything anymore but the fact that now, right at this moment, knowing that I cannot is what I did not think I would feel - scary huh? How some choices you make in your life and you are certain that it is what you want but then your life takes a turn and you wonder if those were the right choices?

I know this will pass because like I said, I am blessed beyond imagination or thought....and truly, I am happy for your Cherie and Tony - you deserve this blessing and so many more!!!

Tia Krystal can't wait to see you baby Angelo!!! XOXO

Here comes the bride - but first, the ring and a heart attack

Well, my little cousin just got engaged and one of her "likes" on FB is Engagement Rings by Verragio

I being the girl that I am and loving diamonds wanted to see the pretty designs and go goo-goo ga ga over the bling.

What happened instead was a near-fatal heart attack!!!

I saw the prices starting at $4,000 - ummmm CHOKE!!!

Wow!!! I know that diamonds are a girl's best friend but the cost of these diamonds is almost like telling her "I own you now because this costs more than you're worth!!" LOL....Especially in the case of many women in my family this is true (not when it comes to me of course, I'm priceless)

You see, I'm not one for opulence and grandeur - I'm a simple kinda girl but I can appreciate the beauty in all things shiny and sparkly but that price tag scared me....

To put a value on something that is supposed to signify a union of love and commitment is well, weird to me. I think of those girls who think that the larger and more extravagant the rock the more he loves you - WRONG!!!

Size does not matter when it comes to diamonds or love or other things for that matter...well....I'll keep these thoughts to myself on "other things"  ;-} but to spend a few months salary in hopes that the one you covet will covet you with such intensity and desire for you as she does for the stone is beyond my comprehension.

Maybe its because I never got an engagement ring or diamond until way late in my first marriage and at that time it did not have the same meaning that it should have.....but I cannot understand how women can crave these stones and figure them as a symbol of their love to their soon to be spouse and his for her.

I remember another female in my family who shall remain nameless - not because I don't want to shame her but because I value my safety and prefer my body in one piece instead of bruised and broken - but she told me that diamonds were everything and that the bigger the better. Boy was she wrong because needless to say it didn't work for her.

So, as far as diamonds and engagement rings go - in hopes that my little cousin reads this before she goes off shopping with her new betrothed for her ring (he wants her to pick it out I guess because she still has not gotten it yet, until her b-day she says) - don't look at what the wallet can buy - it is what signifies the bond, the commitment, the relationship. It does not have to be diamond even though it is the common one - it has to be something that has meaning and reflects the beauty of the love between the two of you, not the reflection of the light in the sky or room...

Just remember that prima!! But I am happy for you, really I am!!!   But if you're set on being like the rest of our family and want to go for shiny and flashy - the Venetian collection is the way to go

Head for cover - she's about to explode!

You know, those days where everyone is just out to get you and you feel like you are fighting an uphill battle? Yeah, today is one of those days so please pardon me while I rant, rave, go nuts and let it all out because you know what? I can!!

Work is well, work. My boss on some days I absolutely adore him, on other days I wanna hook him up to the hitch on the truck and drag him all up and down the street to see if I can get the shit trip he is on knocked out of him. But all in all,he is a great guy. He's just panicking because next week I will be out for a week and then the day I come back he will be going out of town so he is in in crazy mode.

He even went on a cleaning/organizing spree over the weekend and was bitching and moaning about all the extra materials and supplies we have. Um, who ordered the shit and made me run like a mad woman to get a refill of letterhead because we were "all out" and then the designs we had were from the New York location so they needed to be modified and I with all my non-graphic artist experience had to tweak it so that the printer could have the right information and then the design kit that he sent to the printer for the business cards was all wrong and she had to tweak it too....oh wait, let me breathe here for a minute....

Then to add on top of that when I came in I could barely see the top of my desk because there were plans and manuals and drawings and certifications and folders and invoices and I just might even find the Dead Sea scrolls if I ever get to going through all of this shit!!! I think my desk was a nice cherry wood finish but I can't confirm it because I CAN'T SEE IT!!!

Then my computer just didn't want to work for me - I had inspections to cancel and schedule and permits to review and of course my computer just wanted to sit here and laugh in my face while I screamed and blew smoke out of my ears. And don't even get me started on the fucking mosquitos that have taken habitat in my office some where but seem to only seek out my feet to sting and bite and make all itchy.

Finally I had to call the tech guy because I was so tired of having to go to the PM's desk to do some of my work. Mr. Geek calmed me down a bit as we disputed the attractiveness of the girl on the remote access website. He said she was relatively good looking, I told him she wasn't, he argued, I said she needed make-up, he said she was pretty and that he had a thing for Asians, I stated that I think Asian chicks are hot too but she was not attractive and then we proceeded with him taking over my computer and fixing it. Then he reminded me to stay off the pr.on sites and we said goodbye. If you want to join in on the debate - check her out HERE and let me know what you think.

Now, that it is my lunch break and I wanted to do my homework because I don't want to do it later today because well, let's just say that I am panicking because well, I know why and I will let you know how it turns out later - maybe - So yeah, my school's website is down for "maintenance" so I couldn't even do that!

The upside - my dear friend Jennifer - most of you know her as Steenky who no longer blogs but totally should blog again because she was all kinds of funny and awesome and well, her hair was all sorts of entertainment too...well, she somehow showed up on my Pandora!! Look, down there at the bottom left corner....

(Post-publication-edit: Oh and for some reason the picture that was here is no longer here and I can't seem to find it so as you can see, it's not a good day but she was on my Pandora I SWEAR it!!)

Okay, I think I have embarrassed myself enough for one day - now to attempt to get back to my homework and see if the web-site decides to work with me for the last few minutes of my lunch break (oh, and blogger is pis.sing me off too because it just does not want to respond to any of my commands today - I need a drink - can I mix that with Xanax?)

Window Shopping

Today I had so many things to do like breathe, blink, walk, talk, oh yeah, and homework but I decided that the important things like breathing, blinking and talking are much more time consuming and crucial that I put homework on the back burner and decided to spend a day for me.

I unfortunately have a lot of time on my hands now for things to do for myself (weird how I say that when the kids were always around all I wanted was time for myself - funny how things work out huh?)....anywho...so today I decided to do a bit of window shopping at the local mall.

Boy did I feel out of place there!

You see, the local mall is in one of the ritzy parts of the area and well, there were the tell tale women with their Coach purses and sunglasses and slippers that all cost about two months worth of my salary and the teenage girls with shorts that would allow any gyno to perform an exam without much difficulty. Yes, THAT short!!

I was wearing a comfy sundress, sandals and as casual as can be drinking my iced latte and wondering - what planet have I landed on?

While I walked through the mall and the crowd of ritzy-prissy-money spending folk I window shopped.

I found the perfect pair of shorts at Abercrombie and Fitch that when I tried them on I was in love!! They fit perfectly and complimented me - do you know how hard that is for a hispanic woman?!?!?  Well, at the price tag of $50 they better compliment me and whisper sweet nothings in my ear and take me to dinner before screwing me! I about had a heart attack when I saw the price. So I graciously thanked the fitting room attendant and said they didn't fit (LIAR!!!) and walked out before I passed out.

Then it was off to Claire's. I love that place!!! I found the cutest earings and accessories for my girls. There were earings with happy faces and butterflies. Earings that dangled and glittered. Hair bows that were large and small, some that had elastic while others were plastic. I was in accessory heaven!!! I made sure to mark some key areas in my head to return when the crowds were smaller and the wallet was bigger.

Then I stopped by the usual stores of Macy's, Dillards, American Apparel, and the like. No wonder the economy is in the tank! Have you seen those prices? Who honestly pays $40 for a plain white t-shirt? Go to Target, get a 3 pack in the mens section, wash a few times with a few pair of jeans and they will weather and wear just like the ones on the rack!!! I didn't think window shopping would be this traumatic.

Then I found the play area - I saw the children running around and screaming. I saw the mom's yelling at them to get down from there and smiling when they did something cute. I saw the little girls in their little dresses with bows and the little boys chasing after them not knowing what the attraction they had to those curls and eyelashes really was about.

Then, a little boy and his mom walked passed me and I smiled - he couldn't have been more than four years old. He smiled back at me, grazed his hand across my dress as kids tend to do when they extend their hands and told his mom in spanish "She's very pretty....like a princess" - I smiled, it reminded me of Junior and how he calls me his princess.

I put my sunglasses on and began to walk toward the exit, hiding the tears that began to build up in my eyes at the marvel that is the innocence and beauty of children and how my window shopping experience showed me what I didn't realize I wanted......

I guess its time to update - Juneathon Days 2, 3, &4

I procrastinate - yes, that is my M.O. so I apologize profusely for not updating when I am supposed to but at least I'm being honest - I could say that I have had other pressing matters to attend to but honestly, I have not - I have just been putting it off because honestly that is just who I am so, there you go- that's my excuse and I am sticking to it

Well, we all know about my wonderful experience for Day 1 - oh you don't? Here - check THIS out and bring yourself up to speed....now that we are all caught up - back to the update - since you all know about my day 1 experience, you all know that my knee has been hurting therefore day 2 I did nothing except walk around my office at work and at home keep my leg up. If you want to count stretching my muscles while helping Mr. Big figure out what was wrong with his truck by me pressing and releasing the brake and accelerator, then that was the extent of my activity for the day.

As far as day 3, there was much more activity! I was visiting my kids and we had an impromptu dance party out in the driveway. I danced, I twirled, I even lifted some weights - they were oddly in the shape, size, and look of my children so yes - I was active!! My knee still hurts a bit but the more I use it the better it feels.

Today will be day 4 but I am not going to be able to do much because after work I have to go home and then Mr. Big and I will be off to get him inked. I have been walking around a lot around the office today and I have even been walking to the printer that is across the street and the kitchen designer that is two buildings over so I am being active. And most of all - I am doing it all in heels!!!

Tomorrow will be more active as I will be with the kids and they always keep me going - so until then....

This brief break has been brought to you by RTT

Well, yeah, today - I am mentally exhausted. I am taking a few minutes from the hell that is my workday my wonderful day at work to participate in the randomness of Random Tuesday thoughts - maybe this will calm me down a bit because my head feels like it is going to explode!

Okay...

So, don't you hate it when people do not notice the obvious when it is staring them right in the face and then they think that you were purposely trying to withhold information - um, hello?!? It's right there!! LOL

Everyone is having babies around me!! Is there something in the water? I am being overwhelmed by all of this cuteness!!

Yesterday I finally saw the last of the SAW series of movies - while eating pizza I may add - thanks to Mr. Big's insistence that I watch them....my payback, I am subjecting him to all of the Twilight movies and he is going to see Breaking Dawn with me in theaters when it comes out.

I have fallen in love with the pin-up look. I was doing some research recently and I came across some areas where they sell pin-up clothes and do all the hair/make-up etc. I just fell in love with it!! But I think it would be just way too much maintenance to keep up - and I don't think red lipstick looks good on me. Maybe for Halloween though

Tomorrow Mr. Big is going to get more tattoo work done - this time on his leg....I am going to be there watching him cringe in pain. He says he won't - my camera will prove otherwise

I think I scare the people at work sometimes with the choice of music I play...sometimes its Celia Cruz, other times its Enigma or Metallica, and on bad days it's Slipknot.....yeah, they give me weird looks... oh great, now you are too!

I checked the stats on my blogs recently - yeah, there is more than one - if you can find the link to the other one you win a prize - and if you don't...talk about staring at you right in front of your face and not being able to find something!! - well, back to the topic at hand, I checked my stats and I saw visitors from Alaska, Germany, Russia, England, and of course the U.S. - somehow Canada has not shown up - Captain, are you hiding in my walls again when you are visiting my blog?

Well, gotta get back to the grind - but before you go, go check out Stacy and the rest of the Random Thoughters and see what other minds are thinking...

Laters!!

OMG! OMG! OMG! It's almost here!!!

All I can say is that OMG!!! I can't wait!!! So, who is going with me to the movies? We have until November to coordinate logistics!!!

2011 MTV Movie Awards
Tags: 'Breaking Dawn Part' Trailer, MTV

Unintentional Learning - Junethon Day 1

So, yeah, I decided to join my dear friend Kirsty over at Gone Bananas in the Juneathon (If you are wondering about it - click on the image above, it'll direct you to the site and more info) - the gist of it is to walk/run/jog and log your info and blog about it and cheer others along the way for the month of June - so I thought - this sounds easy enough and fun.

I wasn't able to start at the beginning of the month because a) I didn't know about it until I read Kirsty's Day 1 & 2 post and b) I had my period (TMI? Really? Like you don't have your own every month or have a wife that does so you're used to the word and concept by now) so I decided to start today.

It was a gorgeous day out and I was not ready to do my homework or the housework so I thought to myself, what better distraction than to go out and go for a quick run/jog/walk?

So I got ready and headed out to the park. Families were gathered and having a grand ol' time - there were jet skis in the water and boats pulling along the banana floats while children screamed and cheered. It was a gorgeous day. Since I wanted to see a bit more of the park I decided to go the other way on the path opposite of the one that I usually take - so I started my run/walk sequence. Since I have just recently begun exercising I didn't want to push it - also because the last time I went running, I hurt my knee and I didn't want to damage it anymore.

So after 18 minutes of interchanging walking and running I was feeling tired and decided it was time to stop and so I stopped the Runkeeper on my phone and listened to the lovely lady tell me my stats for the activity:

Distance: 1.33 miles
Time: 18 minutes, 38 seconds
Pace: 14.03 minutes per mile
Speed: 4.27 mph

I decided since it was still early and I had a ways to go to my car, I would just take the scenic route to my car because the little bridge didn't look that far away and it would just suck to turn around and go the same way I started - I thought, why not take advantage and just look at the rest of the park? So I did and I decided to set the Runkeeper for a walk activity to see how I did.

The walk was nice and every five minutes I would hear the lovely lady tell me my achievements for the activity. After about 30 minutes I realized that the little bridge was no where near my line of sight and that I had completely miscalculated the distance - so I decided okay, maybe a bit more and there will be a little pathway over the lake and that will lead me to the connection of the other path and on my way to my car. So when I came to said pathway I walked to it and realized all it did was go in a circle around some picnic tables and I had to either go back the way I came or keep going.

By this time the lovely lady was starting to piss me off counting off the minutes that I had been walking and the distance - I really wanted to hit her.

I decided to turn and go back the way I came.

That was the longest walk back to my car ever!!! By the time I reached my car and completed my goal of shutting up the lovely bitch lady on my Runkeeper these were my stats:

Distance: 4.18 miles (WTF?!?!)
Duration:  1 hour, 26 minutes, 33 seconds (FML!!!)
Pace:  20 minutes per mile (Who the fuck cares?!)
Speed:  2.9 mph (I bet a turtle could pass me but I don't give a rats ass)

Can you sense the hostility? Yeah, I was and still am THAT exhausted. My legs hurt, my groin hurts, my right knee is about to pack its bags and leave me for good this time.

I do have to admit though that in the whole 4 mile trek, I did not stop once - did not pause once - I just kept going. I didn't give up - even when my body was telling me that I was insane and should just crawl into a hole and die.

I was enjoying my music (Duffy), the scenery, and the fact that I was working my way to my goals of losing weight and getting in shape - even if it kills me!!  =D

So today was my unintentional learning experience (can you tell this is what I am learning about in my Psychology of Learning class now? I have to put it to good use) - stick with the path that you know because if not, you will be a wandering idiot with knee pain and a desire to throw yourself into a lake where everyone is jet skiing and boating in the hopes of ending your misery because you were too stupid to stick to your usual routine!

Here, enjoy some of the pictures I took along the way...

As you can see, it is a rather large lake - and there is WAAAYYYY more to it - Click here to see how large the park is!!! I started where it says park entrances all the way at the top of the map and I turned around where it says McMillen Island. If I wanted to really go around the park to get to my car - I never would have made it!!  (The walkway is the dotted line...yeah - uh huh... smart choice to turn around right?)

So much for a quick trip to the park right?

Hungry? Why Wait? - oh yeah! because it's the Spin Cycle

Today, the auspicious Jen over at Sprite's Keeper has decided to make us actually think with this week's Spin Cycle topic - waiting.

I thought long and hard about it and I know I could go on and on about how much I hate waiting in line, or waiting on hold, waiting for the bathroom, or waiting for someone who should have been ready fifteen minutes ago to get ready but I thought, that's what everyone is going to write about (I think?) and I just want to be different (should be read complicated but we all know that ) so instead I decided to talk to you dear wonderful people about a great movie - Waiting...

So grab some popcorn and pull up a char...wait, that's too close - have you heard of personal space? Gees!!...

You know the age old saying not to mess with the people who prepare your food? I know we have always had those moments where we don't necessarily like the way that our food comes out or have an issue with something on our plate so we will ask for it do be re-done or speak to the chef or manager of the kitchen.

Well, this movie starring the oh so dreamy Ryan Reynolds will make you realize why we must just sit back, enjoy our food as it is, and remember what our mommy's told us....if you don't like it - don't eat it but don't complain about it.

I think that video illustrated the marvels that encompass the food service industry doesn't it? Now I bet you are wondering what was really in that vegetable soup that you sent back recently or you are suddenly realizing what that crunchy stuff was in your salad, and we know it wasn't crouton crumbs.

So please, remember that the kitchen & wait staff is only there to serve you and your needs but if you are feeling risky, go ahead and send your plate back - or just remember the cardinal rule: "Don't fuck with people that handle your food."

If you are interested in seeing what really happened when the customer returned her food for the second time click on the image below

Here's a napkin, you can clean yourself up now, I didn't think your stomach was that weak...just watch your step, don't want you slipping now.

Oh, and don't forget to stop by the Spin Cycle and check out what everyone else is waiting on

Oh the deliciousness of it all

Well, I am not much of a cook - as many of you can recall my infamous Purple Turkey story (those of you who are new will have to stick around until Thanksgiving time to hear that one) oh and the really funny Turtle pancakes confusion... I am not allowed near a kitchen.

Well, that was while I was married - I did cook so that everyone would have something to eat, that does not mean that that chose to eat it or liked what they ate but I did cook.

But now I want to cook! I want to learn!

I have signed up for all of these delicious recipes and cooking ideas to be emailed to me daily and I am about to go nuts!! I haven't tried any of them yet because I need to find a kitchen where I can cook and hopefully not cause any damage...and if I do, be forgiven for doing so.

These are some of the recipes that I am getting...

Brown Sugar Meatloaf

Mango Chicken Piccata

and the one I really want to try...
Steakhouse Shepphard's Pie

There are countless, countless options to me but I have to set myself a day, time, budget line item, and a willing test subject to try my food!!

So, who wants to lend me their kitchen and stomach?