My mind is on vacation and left me behind

Have you ever had those feelings where you have no idea where you are, what you are doing, how you got there, or what the hell is going on? Yeah, these are the moments when your mind goes on vacation and says "screw you, you're staying put!"

Yeah, I'm in that zone right now...

I can only imagine where my mind has run off to.

Maybe some paradise beach in Bali drinking a concoction of spirits and fruits while buff men in tiny shorts fan her until she falls asleep.

Or, maybe she is whale watching off the coast of Maine snuggled up in a nice warm puffy jacket waiting till she gets back to the dock to have some hot chocolate.

No, she must be in New York, walking the streets and admiring the fashion and courage people have to wear what they do as she prepares to decide what Broadway show she is going to watch next.

Wherever my mind is, I really need her back because this aimless wandering trying to figure things out without her cannot be good.

Personally, I would prefer New York.... I'm in a Carrie Bradshaw kinda mood lately

So dear friends and random readers, if you see her anywhere, let her know I'm about to start posting MISSING posters around town if she doesn't get back soon.

Thanks!

Putting things in perspective

This song just reminded me to put things in perspective when it comes to the most important people in my life..(the video is one way of looking at it - but the lyrics an be applied in a number of ways)

Get More: Nickelback, Rock N Jock, Full Episodes

"Never Gonna Be Alone"
by Nickelback

[Verse 1]
Time, is going by, so much faster than I,
And I'm starting to regret not spending all of it with you.
Now I'm, wondering why, I've kept this bottled inside,
So I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

[Chorus]
You're never gonna be alone
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall...
You're never gonna be alone
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

[Verse 2]
And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands,
'Cause forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you,
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

[Chorus]
You're never gonna be alone
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall.
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.
We're gonna see the world out,
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

[Verse 3]
Oh!
You've gotta live every single day,
Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Don't let it slip away,
Could be our only one, you know it's only just begun.
Every single day,
Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Tomorrow never comes...

[Verse 4]
Time, is going by, so much faster than I,
And I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.

[Chorus]
You're never gonna be alone
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall.
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.
We're gonna see the world out,
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

I'm gonna be there always,
I won't be missing one more day,
I'm gonna be there always,
I won't be missing one more day.

There really is no handbook

I just want to scream and punch a wall.

Yeah, I'm violent today.

I want to send everyone and their mother to hell today because someone has made my good mood go sour.

Have you had one of those days?

I had a conversation this morning that I did not want to have because it is a duplicate of one that I am constantly having where I am having to defend myself for what I can and cannot do while being told that I am not putting the right people first, that I am putting myself first instead and not taking into consideration the feelings of others.

That is so not the case and not who I am. If anything I always think of everyone else before I think of myself. How is it possible to love and care for people so much but then be told that the way that you do it is wrong? That you do too much or too little? Is there a balance? Is there a right way? Is there a wrong way? Do we really ever know?

Some have even said that it is instinctual for me to act this way because I'm a mom and I just want to take care of others and make sure they are good before I even consider myself. This is the true representation of who I am, even when my children are not around. I can't change it - trust me, I've tried.

My godparents taught me one thing...that no matter what happens in life, as long as you did your best then you made it through whatever it is that you are struggling with. I miss them so much.

I am doing my best, the best with what I have and with who I am. I can't change the expectations of others or how they perceive me to be. I can only be the best me that I can be for my children, for those that I love and hold dear to me, and if it might sound selfish this time - the best me for me.

Thanks for listening. I feel better now.

Music does make the world go 'round

Sometimes its music that sets the heart straight and helps you realize the blessings in your life - I love this song - it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside :-)  <3 <3

I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me
Watch as the storm goes through
And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

There’s more here than what were seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
Ill be the flattered fool
And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I pray we never undo

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you, gave me you
Gave me you

Little steps...

Well, I apologize for my absence - things have been hectic - not really hectic for others but hectic for me....Trying to finish my last class before I left on my vacation - btw - I got an A!!!! No applause is necessary but very welcome ;-)  and preparing my office (translation: my boss) for my absence and the usual mommy, girlfriend things and daily life but now that the vacation is over things are settling down once again but the countdown is beginning until two upcoming events - Mr. Big's sister is coming into town in August and my next "mini"vacation in September.

The only downside is that I am still missing my kids - they are doing so well though - enjoying their summer and splishing and splashing in the pool and having all kinds of good fun. Marcos is finally eating solid foods!!  I was surprised the other day when he asked me for a chicken nugget - usually he throws them away but this time he ate one, then two, then three...he ate six chicken nuggets!!! I was amazed and awed at how far he has come. Gaby is talking so much!! She is actually asking questions and seeking responses and she is not even 3 yet!!! I am so amazed at how far she has come too. Kris's behavior is still up and down but he is starting to show remorse and using his words more appropriately which is a positive sign - there is room for improvement and he will get there. Fabian is still the same, more affectionate though but still with his beautiful silence. I just love looking at him when he is in his own world and just wondering what he is thinking..he looks like he has so much to say but is holding onto it for just the right moment to let it all out; when that will be - I don't know but I am patiently waiting.

The two oldest, Athena and Junior are just growing and growing - I can't believe how big they are. They do not even look like little kids anymore. They have such strong personalities and are so alike and different at the same time. This is not an easy time for them and I cannot imagine what they are thinking or feeling sometimes because my parents were already divorced by the time I was their age so it was normal for me not to have mom and dad together. We are going to make it through it all, it is not easy but little steps will get us to a better place.

It is the little steps that have shaped their lives and mine - at the beginning of their lives they had so many obstacles and over time have been overcoming them regardless of what people have said. They have achieved success and have proven that there is nothing that is impossible.

My kids have shown me how to be stronger even though sometimes I feel weak and scared - I just have to think about all that they have been through and the goals that they have reached and I know that I can make it.

They are my rock, my foundation....and with more little steps, things can only get better.

Whoa! Where did that truck come from?

So I'm going to get serious on this post right now so I apologize for it ahead of time.

Why you may ask? Because - I was just hit by a truck unexpectedly....not a literal truck, but a figurative one and this one was covered in billboard sized photos of babies....yeah, babies...

You see, today my dearest friends, Cherie and Tony, they are my family regardless of blood connections, had their first child - Baby boy Angelo was born today, 7lbs, 11oz... HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGELO!!!

But that is not the reason why I am being serious...who could be when it is the birth of a new life and a new beginning for a family? I am excited for them because they are going to be great parents!!

The seriousness is because the truck hit me when I realized that I will no longer be able to have children. I know most of you are asking why I would want more because I already have six and yes, I know I already have six gorgeous, wonderful, loving, and amazing children - I could not ask for anything greater than them.

But it is not so much the wanting more children, it is the fact of knowing that I can't anymore that just hit me. I know that I am blessed beyond my means and I am grateful for every gift and joy that my children give me every time I see them but it's just that loss of ability to have them that is hitting me now. I know there are women out there who have not been able to feel the joy that I have or have had one child and want more but for some unknown reason cannot. It's just that strong feeling that well....

It's the fact that knowing I will not feel hiccups in my belly or see little elbows and feet stretching inside of me...I will not have that fresh baby smell to breathe in so deeply and fall asleep to the breathing and heartbeat of a newborn child....or have a tiny hand hold on tightly to my finger as instinctual it is for them to do.

I do regret the choice I made, I can honestly say that now. I feel like a part of me is lost and it is that part that identifies me as more than just a woman.

I know that there will be people that will say that I am a woman regardless, I am a mom regardless but then I beg the question - if it were so easy to take such a step and not identify oneself with the change then why is it that men will not get vasectomies because they feel their manhood would be taken away? It's the same thing....

I don't know - I know there are options available if I really did want to have another child and that there really is no forever in anything anymore but the fact that now, right at this moment, knowing that I cannot is what I did not think I would feel - scary huh? How some choices you make in your life and you are certain that it is what you want but then your life takes a turn and you wonder if those were the right choices?

I know this will pass because like I said, I am blessed beyond imagination or thought....and truly, I am happy for your Cherie and Tony - you deserve this blessing and so many more!!!

Tia Krystal can't wait to see you baby Angelo!!! XOXO

Here comes the bride - but first, the ring and a heart attack

Well, my little cousin just got engaged and one of her "likes" on FB is Engagement Rings by Verragio

I being the girl that I am and loving diamonds wanted to see the pretty designs and go goo-goo ga ga over the bling.

What happened instead was a near-fatal heart attack!!!

I saw the prices starting at $4,000 - ummmm CHOKE!!!

Wow!!! I know that diamonds are a girl's best friend but the cost of these diamonds is almost like telling her "I own you now because this costs more than you're worth!!" LOL....Especially in the case of many women in my family this is true (not when it comes to me of course, I'm priceless)

You see, I'm not one for opulence and grandeur - I'm a simple kinda girl but I can appreciate the beauty in all things shiny and sparkly but that price tag scared me....

To put a value on something that is supposed to signify a union of love and commitment is well, weird to me. I think of those girls who think that the larger and more extravagant the rock the more he loves you - WRONG!!!

Size does not matter when it comes to diamonds or love or other things for that matter...well....I'll keep these thoughts to myself on "other things"  ;-} but to spend a few months salary in hopes that the one you covet will covet you with such intensity and desire for you as she does for the stone is beyond my comprehension.

Maybe its because I never got an engagement ring or diamond until way late in my first marriage and at that time it did not have the same meaning that it should have.....but I cannot understand how women can crave these stones and figure them as a symbol of their love to their soon to be spouse and his for her.

I remember another female in my family who shall remain nameless - not because I don't want to shame her but because I value my safety and prefer my body in one piece instead of bruised and broken - but she told me that diamonds were everything and that the bigger the better. Boy was she wrong because needless to say it didn't work for her.

So, as far as diamonds and engagement rings go - in hopes that my little cousin reads this before she goes off shopping with her new betrothed for her ring (he wants her to pick it out I guess because she still has not gotten it yet, until her b-day she says) - don't look at what the wallet can buy - it is what signifies the bond, the commitment, the relationship. It does not have to be diamond even though it is the common one - it has to be something that has meaning and reflects the beauty of the love between the two of you, not the reflection of the light in the sky or room...

Just remember that prima!! But I am happy for you, really I am!!!   But if you're set on being like the rest of our family and want to go for shiny and flashy - the Venetian collection is the way to go

Head for cover - she's about to explode!

You know, those days where everyone is just out to get you and you feel like you are fighting an uphill battle? Yeah, today is one of those days so please pardon me while I rant, rave, go nuts and let it all out because you know what? I can!!

Work is well, work. My boss on some days I absolutely adore him, on other days I wanna hook him up to the hitch on the truck and drag him all up and down the street to see if I can get the shit trip he is on knocked out of him. But all in all,he is a great guy. He's just panicking because next week I will be out for a week and then the day I come back he will be going out of town so he is in in crazy mode.

He even went on a cleaning/organizing spree over the weekend and was bitching and moaning about all the extra materials and supplies we have. Um, who ordered the shit and made me run like a mad woman to get a refill of letterhead because we were "all out" and then the designs we had were from the New York location so they needed to be modified and I with all my non-graphic artist experience had to tweak it so that the printer could have the right information and then the design kit that he sent to the printer for the business cards was all wrong and she had to tweak it too....oh wait, let me breathe here for a minute....

Then to add on top of that when I came in I could barely see the top of my desk because there were plans and manuals and drawings and certifications and folders and invoices and I just might even find the Dead Sea scrolls if I ever get to going through all of this shit!!! I think my desk was a nice cherry wood finish but I can't confirm it because I CAN'T SEE IT!!!

Then my computer just didn't want to work for me - I had inspections to cancel and schedule and permits to review and of course my computer just wanted to sit here and laugh in my face while I screamed and blew smoke out of my ears. And don't even get me started on the fucking mosquitos that have taken habitat in my office some where but seem to only seek out my feet to sting and bite and make all itchy.

Finally I had to call the tech guy because I was so tired of having to go to the PM's desk to do some of my work. Mr. Geek calmed me down a bit as we disputed the attractiveness of the girl on the remote access website. He said she was relatively good looking, I told him she wasn't, he argued, I said she needed make-up, he said she was pretty and that he had a thing for Asians, I stated that I think Asian chicks are hot too but she was not attractive and then we proceeded with him taking over my computer and fixing it. Then he reminded me to stay off the pr.on sites and we said goodbye. If you want to join in on the debate - check her out HERE and let me know what you think.

Now, that it is my lunch break and I wanted to do my homework because I don't want to do it later today because well, let's just say that I am panicking because well, I know why and I will let you know how it turns out later - maybe - So yeah, my school's website is down for "maintenance" so I couldn't even do that!

The upside - my dear friend Jennifer - most of you know her as Steenky who no longer blogs but totally should blog again because she was all kinds of funny and awesome and well, her hair was all sorts of entertainment too...well, she somehow showed up on my Pandora!! Look, down there at the bottom left corner....

(Post-publication-edit: Oh and for some reason the picture that was here is no longer here and I can't seem to find it so as you can see, it's not a good day but she was on my Pandora I SWEAR it!!)

Okay, I think I have embarrassed myself enough for one day - now to attempt to get back to my homework and see if the web-site decides to work with me for the last few minutes of my lunch break (oh, and blogger is pis.sing me off too because it just does not want to respond to any of my commands today - I need a drink - can I mix that with Xanax?)

Window Shopping

Today I had so many things to do like breathe, blink, walk, talk, oh yeah, and homework but I decided that the important things like breathing, blinking and talking are much more time consuming and crucial that I put homework on the back burner and decided to spend a day for me.

I unfortunately have a lot of time on my hands now for things to do for myself (weird how I say that when the kids were always around all I wanted was time for myself - funny how things work out huh?)....anywho...so today I decided to do a bit of window shopping at the local mall.

Boy did I feel out of place there!

You see, the local mall is in one of the ritzy parts of the area and well, there were the tell tale women with their Coach purses and sunglasses and slippers that all cost about two months worth of my salary and the teenage girls with shorts that would allow any gyno to perform an exam without much difficulty. Yes, THAT short!!

I was wearing a comfy sundress, sandals and as casual as can be drinking my iced latte and wondering - what planet have I landed on?

While I walked through the mall and the crowd of ritzy-prissy-money spending folk I window shopped.

I found the perfect pair of shorts at Abercrombie and Fitch that when I tried them on I was in love!! They fit perfectly and complimented me - do you know how hard that is for a hispanic woman?!?!?  Well, at the price tag of $50 they better compliment me and whisper sweet nothings in my ear and take me to dinner before screwing me! I about had a heart attack when I saw the price. So I graciously thanked the fitting room attendant and said they didn't fit (LIAR!!!) and walked out before I passed out.

Then it was off to Claire's. I love that place!!! I found the cutest earings and accessories for my girls. There were earings with happy faces and butterflies. Earings that dangled and glittered. Hair bows that were large and small, some that had elastic while others were plastic. I was in accessory heaven!!! I made sure to mark some key areas in my head to return when the crowds were smaller and the wallet was bigger.

Then I stopped by the usual stores of Macy's, Dillards, American Apparel, and the like. No wonder the economy is in the tank! Have you seen those prices? Who honestly pays $40 for a plain white t-shirt? Go to Target, get a 3 pack in the mens section, wash a few times with a few pair of jeans and they will weather and wear just like the ones on the rack!!! I didn't think window shopping would be this traumatic.

Then I found the play area - I saw the children running around and screaming. I saw the mom's yelling at them to get down from there and smiling when they did something cute. I saw the little girls in their little dresses with bows and the little boys chasing after them not knowing what the attraction they had to those curls and eyelashes really was about.

Then, a little boy and his mom walked passed me and I smiled - he couldn't have been more than four years old. He smiled back at me, grazed his hand across my dress as kids tend to do when they extend their hands and told his mom in spanish "She's very pretty....like a princess" - I smiled, it reminded me of Junior and how he calls me his princess.

I put my sunglasses on and began to walk toward the exit, hiding the tears that began to build up in my eyes at the marvel that is the innocence and beauty of children and how my window shopping experience showed me what I didn't realize I wanted......

I guess its time to update - Juneathon Days 2, 3, &4

I procrastinate - yes, that is my M.O. so I apologize profusely for not updating when I am supposed to but at least I'm being honest - I could say that I have had other pressing matters to attend to but honestly, I have not - I have just been putting it off because honestly that is just who I am so, there you go- that's my excuse and I am sticking to it

Well, we all know about my wonderful experience for Day 1 - oh you don't? Here - check THIS out and bring yourself up to speed....now that we are all caught up - back to the update - since you all know about my day 1 experience, you all know that my knee has been hurting therefore day 2 I did nothing except walk around my office at work and at home keep my leg up. If you want to count stretching my muscles while helping Mr. Big figure out what was wrong with his truck by me pressing and releasing the brake and accelerator, then that was the extent of my activity for the day.

As far as day 3, there was much more activity! I was visiting my kids and we had an impromptu dance party out in the driveway. I danced, I twirled, I even lifted some weights - they were oddly in the shape, size, and look of my children so yes - I was active!! My knee still hurts a bit but the more I use it the better it feels.

Today will be day 4 but I am not going to be able to do much because after work I have to go home and then Mr. Big and I will be off to get him inked. I have been walking around a lot around the office today and I have even been walking to the printer that is across the street and the kitchen designer that is two buildings over so I am being active. And most of all - I am doing it all in heels!!!

Tomorrow will be more active as I will be with the kids and they always keep me going - so until then....

This brief break has been brought to you by RTT

Well, yeah, today - I am mentally exhausted. I am taking a few minutes from the hell that is my workday my wonderful day at work to participate in the randomness of Random Tuesday thoughts - maybe this will calm me down a bit because my head feels like it is going to explode!

Okay...

So, don't you hate it when people do not notice the obvious when it is staring them right in the face and then they think that you were purposely trying to withhold information - um, hello?!? It's right there!! LOL

Everyone is having babies around me!! Is there something in the water? I am being overwhelmed by all of this cuteness!!

Yesterday I finally saw the last of the SAW series of movies - while eating pizza I may add - thanks to Mr. Big's insistence that I watch them....my payback, I am subjecting him to all of the Twilight movies and he is going to see Breaking Dawn with me in theaters when it comes out.

I have fallen in love with the pin-up look. I was doing some research recently and I came across some areas where they sell pin-up clothes and do all the hair/make-up etc. I just fell in love with it!! But I think it would be just way too much maintenance to keep up - and I don't think red lipstick looks good on me. Maybe for Halloween though

Tomorrow Mr. Big is going to get more tattoo work done - this time on his leg....I am going to be there watching him cringe in pain. He says he won't - my camera will prove otherwise

I think I scare the people at work sometimes with the choice of music I play...sometimes its Celia Cruz, other times its Enigma or Metallica, and on bad days it's Slipknot.....yeah, they give me weird looks... oh great, now you are too!

I checked the stats on my blogs recently - yeah, there is more than one - if you can find the link to the other one you win a prize - and if you don't...talk about staring at you right in front of your face and not being able to find something!! - well, back to the topic at hand, I checked my stats and I saw visitors from Alaska, Germany, Russia, England, and of course the U.S. - somehow Canada has not shown up - Captain, are you hiding in my walls again when you are visiting my blog?

Well, gotta get back to the grind - but before you go, go check out Stacy and the rest of the Random Thoughters and see what other minds are thinking...

Laters!!

OMG! OMG! OMG! It's almost here!!!

All I can say is that OMG!!! I can't wait!!! So, who is going with me to the movies? We have until November to coordinate logistics!!!

2011 MTV Movie Awards
Tags: 'Breaking Dawn Part' Trailer, MTV

Unintentional Learning - Junethon Day 1

So, yeah, I decided to join my dear friend Kirsty over at Gone Bananas in the Juneathon (If you are wondering about it - click on the image above, it'll direct you to the site and more info) - the gist of it is to walk/run/jog and log your info and blog about it and cheer others along the way for the month of June - so I thought - this sounds easy enough and fun.

I wasn't able to start at the beginning of the month because a) I didn't know about it until I read Kirsty's Day 1 & 2 post and b) I had my period (TMI? Really? Like you don't have your own every month or have a wife that does so you're used to the word and concept by now) so I decided to start today.

It was a gorgeous day out and I was not ready to do my homework or the housework so I thought to myself, what better distraction than to go out and go for a quick run/jog/walk?

So I got ready and headed out to the park. Families were gathered and having a grand ol' time - there were jet skis in the water and boats pulling along the banana floats while children screamed and cheered. It was a gorgeous day. Since I wanted to see a bit more of the park I decided to go the other way on the path opposite of the one that I usually take - so I started my run/walk sequence. Since I have just recently begun exercising I didn't want to push it - also because the last time I went running, I hurt my knee and I didn't want to damage it anymore.

So after 18 minutes of interchanging walking and running I was feeling tired and decided it was time to stop and so I stopped the Runkeeper on my phone and listened to the lovely lady tell me my stats for the activity:

Distance: 1.33 miles
Time: 18 minutes, 38 seconds
Pace: 14.03 minutes per mile
Speed: 4.27 mph

I decided since it was still early and I had a ways to go to my car, I would just take the scenic route to my car because the little bridge didn't look that far away and it would just suck to turn around and go the same way I started - I thought, why not take advantage and just look at the rest of the park? So I did and I decided to set the Runkeeper for a walk activity to see how I did.

The walk was nice and every five minutes I would hear the lovely lady tell me my achievements for the activity. After about 30 minutes I realized that the little bridge was no where near my line of sight and that I had completely miscalculated the distance - so I decided okay, maybe a bit more and there will be a little pathway over the lake and that will lead me to the connection of the other path and on my way to my car. So when I came to said pathway I walked to it and realized all it did was go in a circle around some picnic tables and I had to either go back the way I came or keep going.

By this time the lovely lady was starting to piss me off counting off the minutes that I had been walking and the distance - I really wanted to hit her.

I decided to turn and go back the way I came.

That was the longest walk back to my car ever!!! By the time I reached my car and completed my goal of shutting up the lovely bitch lady on my Runkeeper these were my stats:

Distance: 4.18 miles (WTF?!?!)
Duration:  1 hour, 26 minutes, 33 seconds (FML!!!)
Pace:  20 minutes per mile (Who the fuck cares?!)
Speed:  2.9 mph (I bet a turtle could pass me but I don't give a rats ass)

Can you sense the hostility? Yeah, I was and still am THAT exhausted. My legs hurt, my groin hurts, my right knee is about to pack its bags and leave me for good this time.

I do have to admit though that in the whole 4 mile trek, I did not stop once - did not pause once - I just kept going. I didn't give up - even when my body was telling me that I was insane and should just crawl into a hole and die.

I was enjoying my music (Duffy), the scenery, and the fact that I was working my way to my goals of losing weight and getting in shape - even if it kills me!!  =D

So today was my unintentional learning experience (can you tell this is what I am learning about in my Psychology of Learning class now? I have to put it to good use) - stick with the path that you know because if not, you will be a wandering idiot with knee pain and a desire to throw yourself into a lake where everyone is jet skiing and boating in the hopes of ending your misery because you were too stupid to stick to your usual routine!

Here, enjoy some of the pictures I took along the way...

As you can see, it is a rather large lake - and there is WAAAYYYY more to it - Click here to see how large the park is!!! I started where it says park entrances all the way at the top of the map and I turned around where it says McMillen Island. If I wanted to really go around the park to get to my car - I never would have made it!!  (The walkway is the dotted line...yeah - uh huh... smart choice to turn around right?)

So much for a quick trip to the park right?

Hungry? Why Wait? - oh yeah! because it's the Spin Cycle

Today, the auspicious Jen over at Sprite's Keeper has decided to make us actually think with this week's Spin Cycle topic - waiting.

I thought long and hard about it and I know I could go on and on about how much I hate waiting in line, or waiting on hold, waiting for the bathroom, or waiting for someone who should have been ready fifteen minutes ago to get ready but I thought, that's what everyone is going to write about (I think?) and I just want to be different (should be read complicated but we all know that ) so instead I decided to talk to you dear wonderful people about a great movie - Waiting...

So grab some popcorn and pull up a char...wait, that's too close - have you heard of personal space? Gees!!...

You know the age old saying not to mess with the people who prepare your food? I know we have always had those moments where we don't necessarily like the way that our food comes out or have an issue with something on our plate so we will ask for it do be re-done or speak to the chef or manager of the kitchen.

Well, this movie starring the oh so dreamy Ryan Reynolds will make you realize why we must just sit back, enjoy our food as it is, and remember what our mommy's told us....if you don't like it - don't eat it but don't complain about it.

I think that video illustrated the marvels that encompass the food service industry doesn't it? Now I bet you are wondering what was really in that vegetable soup that you sent back recently or you are suddenly realizing what that crunchy stuff was in your salad, and we know it wasn't crouton crumbs.

So please, remember that the kitchen & wait staff is only there to serve you and your needs but if you are feeling risky, go ahead and send your plate back - or just remember the cardinal rule: "Don't fuck with people that handle your food."

If you are interested in seeing what really happened when the customer returned her food for the second time click on the image below

Here's a napkin, you can clean yourself up now, I didn't think your stomach was that weak...just watch your step, don't want you slipping now.

Oh, and don't forget to stop by the Spin Cycle and check out what everyone else is waiting on

Oh the deliciousness of it all

Well, I am not much of a cook - as many of you can recall my infamous Purple Turkey story (those of you who are new will have to stick around until Thanksgiving time to hear that one) oh and the really funny Turtle pancakes confusion... I am not allowed near a kitchen.

Well, that was while I was married - I did cook so that everyone would have something to eat, that does not mean that that chose to eat it or liked what they ate but I did cook.

But now I want to cook! I want to learn!

I have signed up for all of these delicious recipes and cooking ideas to be emailed to me daily and I am about to go nuts!! I haven't tried any of them yet because I need to find a kitchen where I can cook and hopefully not cause any damage...and if I do, be forgiven for doing so.

These are some of the recipes that I am getting...

Brown Sugar Meatloaf

Mango Chicken Piccata

and the one I really want to try...
Steakhouse Shepphard's Pie

There are countless, countless options to me but I have to set myself a day, time, budget line item, and a willing test subject to try my food!!

So, who wants to lend me their kitchen and stomach?

It's the squirrel in the tree that's making the noise....oh, and its Random Tuesday!

Well, it's that time of the week again where we are just allowed to blabber on about nothing in particular and shake the cob-webs out of our brains to make room for the stuff that really matters like the grocery lists, honey-do lists, and how else we can figure out to survive the rest of the week without shooting a pesky dog or bird or contractor that is just driving you up the wall asking for a damn release that he already received five times before!!! Oh, wait.... yeah, here's Random Tuesday Thoughts hosted by the lovely and talented (and always a bit tipsy but who wouldn't be hosting all these events that she does?) Stacy of Stacy Uncorked!!! **APPLAUSE**

Okay, okay, enough applause people - it's getting kinda loud and I don't want to set off the dogs...they bark at anything and boy do I mean anything!! Seriously!! When Mr. Big comes home, its announced by the yapping at the door. He would never be able to come in and surprise me because the dogs would spoil it - oh and that he must yell back at them "Knock it off!" so that would kill any surprise he may have planned also.

Yesterday, well, technically Sunday night because I am writing this on Monday night and scheduling it to publish in the future....where was I? Oh, right, last night Mr. Big brought me dinner - my favorite...grilled salmon with baked sweet potato on the side. This time he brought me two servings of the yummy sweet butter and cinnamon mix to put on top of the sweet potato...oh - boy - was - that - delicious!!! Yeah, I just had to share that - I am spoiled!!

I never thought it was possible but someone managed to fuck up a Dyson...yeah, a Dyson!!! I went to work today (read: Monday) while everyone else was out chilling by the pool ignoring watching their children while drinking ice cold and spiked fruit punch waiting for the men in their family to finish burning grilling their Memorial Day bar-b-q meals. Well, the cleaning lady decided to come by today (it's about time!! I've been working there for almost 3 months and she has never been there in 3 months!! oh sorry, I tangented again). Well, while I was working, she was vacuuming, actually her son was vacuuming - but that is another story altogether - she took over the vacuum in order to get under one of the desks and then I hear a horrible crunching sound. The thing is making this whirring sound and then smells like something is burning. She unplugs the thing, puts it on its side and then asks for my scissors - WTF?  She proceeds to pick at the bottom of the vacuum with the scissors and scoop out stuff I would not imagine a dog cough up!!! Blech!!  She felt satisfied with her repairs of the machine and went on to vacuum again - now the noise was even louder and more annoying and the smell continued. She once again attempted to extract whatever it was that she thought was causing the problem....needless to say, she finished vacuuming but the Dyson did not sound the same again....I wonder if she will be charged back for replacing it?

I spent Saturday with my cousin who is old enough to be my mom, well, actually she is my mom's first cousin, and her daughter who is actually a twin but the other one is in DC - she's/they are a year younger than I am - we grew up together - well, we spent the day/afternoon at the the twins' dad's house for a BBQ bc he couldn't have one on MemDay because he would be working - he's a police ociffer!!! But yeah, my cousin brought her baby daughter who happens to share the same birthday as my Gabby!!  And she is just cuters!! I love chubby baby cheeks - see...

I just had to share - oh gosh is she cuters!!! Oh and she says hi!! She waves her little hand and says hi!! Yeah, I'm missing that stage of adorable babyness

Oh, and to add even more adorable babyness to the randomness...here's my Gabby being a pirate....I fall in love every time I see this face -

well, yeah, I know the sun-glasses are a bit big but she is just gorgeous!! Trust me on it - and no, I'm not biased, not in the least!!

So, now that you are done going goo goo gaga over the cuteness that are the little girls born on the same day, head on over and harass love on Stacy, I know she will love to see you!!!

Spin Cycle: A reunion with a disease...

I have to admit that I have not been the best of daughters for the past while but I am trying to remedy that. The first of which was spending some much needed time with my dad. I had not visited him where he lives in the Keys in seven years!! I know am I crazy?

So, I thought - what better than to go to the Keys to see daddy and that way he can meet Mr. Big?! 

Me and my dad

So, of course, with everything related to this reunion - my dad meeting Mr. Big, I also met part of the family that has adopted my father. They are a roudy bunch of sailors and bikers - my kinda people. They accepted me & Mr. Big with open arms and treated us like locals as if we had always been there.

The wild and crazy bunch aka My new family

Mr. Big loved the fact that everywhere we went with my dad everyone knew who he was and we were treated with the same equality and affection. It was truly a sense of coming home and being welcomed. I could never forget it. Now I realize why my dad moved down there and never turned back.

Me & Todd (my dad's "adopted" brother LOL)

We spent our last day out on the boats and partying on a small island known as picnic island. Where all the locals gather, weigh anchor and just hang out and have a good time. It's boats, beer, music and fun!!  There is no rhyme or reason to it; just have a good time and especially NO TOURISTS!!! except the local-tourists like Mr. Big and I but we're family so we didn't count.

Mr. Big - Hungry??

It was a reunion of like minds and crazy people. A reunion of families and friends sharing in what we call "The Keys Disease" - once you catch it, it's hard to get rid of.

Boats on the Water

And to make the event even more spectacular - we even had our own concert!! Right on the water!! How cool is that?

Music on the Water (The band is on the roof)

I can't wait to return - the Keys Disease has hit Mr. Big and I real hard. We can so see ourselves relocating there and becoming the locals that we are in our hearts.

Hey, where else can you live the life of a hard worker and still enjoy the fruits of your labor and kick back, have a beer, out on the open water and just listen to the music as the sun sets while you pull you boat into the dock and carry your worries away with the last sip?

Refreshments - Stay Thirsty my Friends

So, my  reunion has become a reflection of life and where things stand. Soon we will be back again and I will make sure to fill you in on all the insanity and laughter from the trip - but for now, join me and all the others over at Sprite's Keeper and join in on the Spin Cycle - YEAH!!! It's back!!!! Woo Hoo!!! Jen has finally broken down and resumed her duties in the laundry room (Jen, don't take that in the literal sense PLEASE) and is hosting the Spin Cycle again - so come on over, bring your fabric softener and join in on the fun!!

But before you go, check out the video below - that's the music we were listening to. It's a family band a la Partridge family but much cooler!!! (Oh, and if you pay attention to the conversation in the background I am sure you will get a laugh!)

Sounds of the day

Wordless Wednesday - Hey, they are not my words so technically I am

The other night Mr. Big read this to me after I asked him why he was laughing so hard. Yesterday his sister posted it on FB so now I am going to share it with you because honestly, I could not stop laughing either...



So, join in on the Wordless Wednesday fun and head over to Stacy's - she's got all the dish on where to go for this auspicious occasion...(yeah, I know, I'm sending you to her again but you have to admit, she throws the best parties!!) Oh, and watch your step....

Leave a message at the beep....oh, yeah, its Random Tuesday!

Do you hate it when you call someone you get a song instead of a ring tone? Don't get me wrong, some songs are catchy and all but then you have those that really suck! Then you have that song playing on repeat in your head all day. I sometimes just want to leave them a message telling them that their choice of music needs to be re-evaluated or my relationship with them will have to be re-evaluated as well - it's their choice. I wonder what they will pick...

In the spirit of phone calls, don't you hate it when someone tells you to call them at a particular time or you tell them to call you at a particular time and then they don't. Then the next time that you do talk to that person they are all pissy because you don't call them anymore. Hello!!  I did make attempts to "pencil you in" but you were just too busy so screw you....oh, I love you too!

My kids are making me laugh lately. Athena is trying to learn spanish and she is practicing with me and when I talk to her, she just gives me this blank stare. I think she is not used to the speed at which I talk; the computer is much slower and mommy's mouth runs at the speed of light - sometimes thats a good thing though.

Gabby is talking a storm - sometimes I wonder when she was born because honestly, she could not have grown up that quickly! She is a little woman - and boy is she fashionable!! Loves bracelets, sunglasses, hats, etc. Oh boy, she is going to be a doosy to go shopping with!

Today at work I found out that at the end of the summer it is going to be my responsibility to coordinate the company Christmas party! OMG!!! I am loving this!! I have so many ideas and suggestions and themes and everything!! So, how much do you think that it would cost me to get an ice sculpture of the entire staff??

Talking about parties - come join the randomness with Stacy while she continues to hold down the fort for another week and wonderfully hosts Random Tuesdays

But be careful - that glass of wine in her hand is off limits! I tried to get a sip the other day and she almost knocked me out with that sign!!

Oh, and I just had to throw this one in there....

And everyone thought that Oprah was going to be the one to take the reigns - I guess wrestling is more popular than Oprah....

Inspired by Cosmo!!

I was reading an article in Cosmo and it triggered the question….

What is the difference between making love and having sex?

I have wondered the answer to this because there are times where you just want to have full blown all out crazy tumbles in the sheets with your partner. You know the sweaty animalistic primal sex that gets your adrenaline going and screaming at the top of your lungs? Yeah, that type.

How about those moments where you want just the sensual passion and soft moments where you can feel every inch of each other’s bodies to the point that is seems as if your hearts sync together and beat as one – but, it’s a new relationship and the love word has not escaped either of your mouths let alone your thoughts.

What if it is a couple that is in love and have had a long relationship and everything is great but they are not into the whole soft and sensual that is shown in Soap Operas (like that ever really happens and if it does, can someone tell me how they do not make all those body noises and weird faces we know we all make when we are in the sack?)? What if their sexual style is the all out crazy and primal? – because heck, we know there are those people out there too.

And of course there is the couple that is just into the sweet and innocent and into taking their time. With candles and soft lighting and rose petals on the bed and floor (what if one of those gets st…nevermind)

And if there is a difference between the two, is there a transition period? Is there another term? When do you know that the difference is upon you? Is it the moment that you first say I love you that turns it into “making love”? Is there a way to shift between the two depending on the moment?

Does the location also make a difference? The bed, the shower (still don’t understand that one but hey, to each his own), the car, the backyard, the bathroom at the local bar….???? Anyone, anyone?? Bueller?? This is a whole other topic that I may touch on soon or later…because it interests me to hear what others have to say on what Realtor’s base their life’s work…Location, location, location!!

I think Petra (the Wise Young Mommy – miss you writing btw!!!) asked this question once before but heck, like I told Irish, reading is the fundamentals of writing and my reading has sparked this question (Irish, sorry for somehow connecting your meaningful writing to my insane thoughts but heck, I’m just nuts like that).

Any takers on trying to solve this riddle? Ooohh, maybe I can compile your thoughts into witty review and even submit it to Cosmo and then they will love my recap of various ideas and then I will get hired as a free lance writer for them and become all famous and be able to finally buy me a pair of Christian Louboutin stilettos!! (Mary Anne, you are so totally to blame for my obsession with these shoes you know that right?)

We can only hope!!!

So Totally Tuesday - wait, no So Totally Random....Where's my brain?

Wow! It has been a while since I have done one of these things and now I learn that Keely is no longer hosting them....WTF?!? Oh well, Stacy over at Stacy Uncorked has been gracious enough to take over hold the fort until Keely decides she is ready to come back from the looney bin vacation.

The other day I was at the grocery store and this wonderful young lady (to be read dunce sixteen year old with no clue) glanced at my shirt and asked me an interesting question: "Do you listen to Jimi Hendrix?" My response was undoubtedly yes, if not I would not be wearing a Jimi Hendrix T-Shirt DUH!! Anywho....her next question was something along the lines of "Does he do rap or rock?" You can imagine the astonishment that I had and the urge that I had to teach this child a thing about music (actually I just wanted to yell and scream at her and tell her that she was a complete idiot and beg to know what the hell it is that they are teaching kids in school today, but I refrained from doing so).

When did acid washed jeans come back into fashion? Yesterday at the bank I saw this random guy in tight acid washed jeans - the kind that you would see in an episode of the first season of Saved by the Bell, by one of the girls. Seriously, I know I am not the most fashionable of people, but that is just ridiculous!!

I talked to the kids last night before bed and Athena was all bummed out because school is almost over (This is not my child) and Junior is all excited because school is almost over - he is even counting down the days (THIS is my child).

Last night I was out to dinner with Mr. Big and I was complaining about all of the bugs - his response, "You live in Florida" - my rationalization of it: the impending end of the earth on May 21st, but in all likelihood, I will be wrong and as usual, Mr. Big is right. Yes, I have to admit, he is usually always right, damn-it!

Well, I will let you all get back to the wonder that is your lives but if you have any random thoughts floating up in your minds, jot them down and share them - maybe if we bombard Stacy enough, Keely will resume her position and Stacy can go back to carrying a glass of wine instead of a sign (Stacy, your arm is looking rather buff there though)

 

Just follow the sign, She will help you find your way!

Just one of them days (or is it supposed to be those?)

Well, if you have not heard already, today is Monday.

That dreaded day that starts off the work week for most people and drags on to infinity while we stare at the clocks on our computers begging for 5pm.

Today did not start off that well. For some reason I woke up from a nasty dream that just has had my mind racing and wandering with questions and thoughts.

Many that I know are stupid and others wondering, how the heck?

Yeah, its one of those days.

I hate that feeling because it nags you until the day is done and then well into dinner, interrupting the peaceful shower that you should be having and then keeps picking at you until you go to sleep.

That is if you can even go to sleep because you keep wondering if the feeling will be gone when you wake up or if it will still be there to continue nagging at you on Tuesday.

Its like that annoying ringing in your ear that you get when the room is too quiet and then drives you mad wondering when it will go away but little do you know that it has already gone away but yet it still remains in the recesses of your mind because you are subconsciously hearing it and driving yourself insane.

Yeah, and they say the mind is a terrible thing to waste!

Oh well, back to the grind and the monotony that is Monday. Maybe, if the weather is fine I will take a walk after work when I get home and see if that clears my mind. Otherwise I will probably crawl into bed, listen to Pink Floyd and really wonder where my brain is wandering off to.

Or just read a good book until Mr. Big gets home from work and then I can just unload on him....

Question of the day: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Yeah, totally random I know - I will leave you now before I scare you away.

No, I'm not procrastinating, not at all...

Well, today is Sunday and it is the day that I usually do housework. You know, clean the bathroom, laundry, clean up the boudoir, and all that jazz but for some reason, I am not feeling it. I also have a paper due today for my Psychology of Learning class, but I'm not feeling that either.

Heck! Give me some credit, I did wake up early!! Mind you it was because Mr. Big woke up to go to work so I woke up too like the good girlfriend that I am to spend the little time I could in the morning with him (but then I did go back to sleep to wake up at 11:45 not wanting to get out of bed).

So, I thought that since this is a new blog away from the one that I had started so many years ago (not really so many, I should stop making myself sound old) I think it is time for a recap for those of you that already know me and for those of you who don't to get to know me :-)

As you all can tell from that big picture up there - yeah, go ahead and look up, I'll wait - yeah, that one - I have six kids. They are all mine, naturally born to me (well the littlest one had to be extracted via c-section - damn child for leaving me with a scar! JOKING - I love my monsters children more than life itself). The oldest five have varying degrees of autism and the littlest one has a physical disability related to low muscle tone but nobody really knows what it is because she has no reflexes or nerve response on her lower left extremities. But she does walk and run with the best of them and gets back up and keeps on going whenever she falls. My kids do not let their disabilities define who they are, they just keep going and enjoy their lives. The two older ones know that they are different while the other four are still to young to realize it but we will cross that threshold when we get there.

I am divorced after almost 10 years of marriage, it just wasn't a marriage any more and we are better off for it. The kids live with him because the divorce was going to be hard enough on them, moving them out of the only home they know and their stability (dad has been a stay at home dad since they were born so he is their rock) would have been even more devastating on them. I see them twice a week and every holiday, birthday, event, etc. I talk to them on the phone twice a day and miss them like crazy. There is not a day that goes by that I don't miss tucking them in and kissing them goodnight. And weirdest of all, I miss being there on those nights where they are puking and coughing everywhere, yeah, that's a mom for you. But I had to do what was right for them and leave them with as much structure as possible. Their disabilities do not accept change too well so the least change the better.

I changed my job too. I had to get out of where I was, aside from the fact that the money just was not enough anymore - the stress was killing me and certain other factors that just made it impossible to work there and do what I needed to do. My new job is great and the people are wonderful. I'm settled and happy there.

The biggest change of all for me has been myself. I have put my foot down and stopped living for others and am living for myself and my children (these are the only "others" I will live for). Nobody is going to define who I am or tell me what to do anymore - I am in charge of my life and only I can decide what direction my life is going into.

This has led me to where I am now and the relationship that I am in right now. I am in a great place with a wonderful man - for all intensive purposes we will call him Mr. Big (no, I am not obsessed with Sex and the City - he is just big.... 6'5" next to my petite 5' - yeah, BIG!).  You will probably find him mentioned across a few posts here and there so it was important to introduce you to him.

Well, that's the latest in a nut shell. The wheels in my head are still spinning to figure out what else to write because I really do not want to write that paper and start cleaning but I have to - I have given myself until 2pm to get the cleaning done and its already 1:33pm - so yeah, I think the procrastination is over for now because if not I will be up until 2 in the morning finishing the damn paper and I really really do not want to do that - I am not a nice person when I don't get sleep!!

So that's all for now folks!

I have one...do you?

I know I am one of those people that loves to make lists of things that she wants to do but never accomplishes them. Isn't that boring? I think so but guess what?!?  It is time for a change!!

I know, I know, change is not easy but heck, if we do not change then we are just stuck inthe same rut and that can get kinda boring (and smelly if you ask me).

So this is my bucket list....things I want to do before I die (and according to the people from FamilyRadio.com the end of days is May 21 so I do not have much time!!) - and no, I'm not trying to be morbid here - just thinking that if I write it down I may actually do some of them!!

Krystal's Bucket List (In no particular order, well maybe in some sort of order):
- Get my boobs done!!!
- Get my tattoo(s)
- Get into better shape
- Finally learn to ride a motorcycle - wait, learn to drive a motrcycle, I already know how to ride one!
- Buy my own motorcycle
- Get a larger car
- Buy a house of my own
- Go on a cruise
- Ride a REAL roller coaster (Space Mountain does not count)
- Take a REAL roadtrip that means driving outside the state of Florida
- Learn to drive a boat
- Learn to water ski/ wakeboard
- Ride a Jet-Ski (yeah, living in South Florida you think I would have done this by now)
- .......

(These are personal accomplishments, the number one will always be spend more time with my kids and the people I love - that goes without saying)

What's on your list? Do you have one?

Is there a reason?

If there is ever a handbook about life written, it must have a section that states

"Expect the worst because unfortunately, there is more bad than good out there"

I say this in response to the recent events that have occurred across the country. Police officers are getting gunned down and killed everyday. Yes, that is the life they chose - you're right. The sad part about it is that they are dying because there are cowards out there who hide behind guns and weapons because they are too weak to stand up to their wrongdoings and accept their punishment.

Last week, 2 police officers in my home town of Miami were killed serving an arrest warrant. They were welcomed into the home where they were serving the warrant and the gunman hid behind a wall and then snuck around the corner and shot them.

They were not just cops - they were parents, they were somebody's wife and husband, they were children of their parents, they were friends, they were heroes. They put their lives on the line to protect the people of Miami from just the kind of person that ended their lives.

I get passionate about this because my brother-in-law is a police officer in Miami. It has hit close to home.

My sister has to live with the worry if he is coming home and what to tell my very young nephew the worst news possible should he not come home. She is his right hand and his largest supporter. I worry too because I do not want to see my sister suffer but I am proud of her for being so strong and supporting a man that she loves with a very dangerous job who has taken the oath to serve and protect.

This video is a touching reflection of the memorial that was held for these two fallen officers. Here is a video where the Director of the Miami Dade PD showed his passion for the deaths of these two officers as well as his hurt.

Before you go to bed tonight and first thing in the morning, tell all your family and friends how much you love them because as Det. Amanda Haworth's father said "Always remember to hug your loved ones and friends, like you haven't ever seen them in ages and never forget to say I love you because you never know what tomorrow will bring."

To all those in law enforcement, thank you! Thank you for putting your lives on the line in order to make sure that the streets are safe and that our children can grow up in a positive and safe environment. I love you all!!

To my brother-in-law Eric, please be safe as I know you always are; and to my sister Erica,  I love you and I admire you. 

RIP Det. Roger Castillo & Det. Amanda Haworth - Gone but never forgotten!